By far one of the most common questions I receive from my readers is "how can I last longer in bed?" I was reluctant all of this time to answer this question, because I found that the answer is different for everyone.
Still, I have come along way towards completely overcoming my own premature ejaculation problem, and that must count for something. To that end, I've decided to take a crack at this elusive problem that plagues a great deal of men.
When you suffer from not wanting to last as long as you'd like to in bed, it feels like you're at a disadvantage when compared to other men who can last longer than you can. Us men have big egos, so let's see what we can do to solve this problem together.
I plan for this guide to be somewhat of an ongoing works... hopefully over time, we can turn it into the ultimate guide to helping men overcome premature ejaculation. If you have any input, advice, or tips of your own you'd like to add, please join my How to Give Women Orgasms Mailing List and write me (the link you click will open in a new window, so you can continue reading this and get to the good stuff).
Part 1: Why Do You Want to Last Longer in Bed?
While most people seem to focus on making love all night and satisfying the woman while talking about premature ejaculation, the truth is that there's more to it than that.
Don't get me wrong. Forgive my bluntness, but if you could pump away at some little hottie for 25 minutes straight, just the way she liked it, without cumming too fast, she would probably be yours for life. And that's just the truth.
But what about the man's enjoyment? I think that's something that often gets overlooked while we always focus on pleasing the female. I'm sure that most of us men are in agreement here that sex is one of the most worthwhile things we can do with our day. To that end, wouldn't it be really nice if you could have it for longer?
Of course it would.
I think what we've done here is establish the two main motivations for wanting to end premature ejaculation. The reason I wanted to remind you of these benefits first is because learning to last longer in bed is not always an easy process (no matter what many cream or pill manufacturers might have you think...).
Whenever you set a goal, it always helps to start by focusing on your motivation. Do you want to please your partner? Are you looking to be able to perform in bed the way you've always wanted to? Are you not satisfied being anything less than the best lay she's ever had? Focus on what drives you, and you will find the will to succeed.
Part 2: The Definition of Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is often defined by "professionals" (who for the most part have failed to come up with a solution to the problem) as a condition occuring when a man ejaculates sooner than either he or his partner would like him to.
Now that's a pretty broad definition, in my opinion. In my experience, most men who are truly concerned about lasting longer in bed can only last minutes, if that. To these sufferers, hearing a man who can go for 15 or 20 minutes at a time complain about coming too fast might feel almost insulted.
Some people like to try and find out what the "average" length of lovemaking is and try to go from there, but to me, trying to figure out what an average is is misleading.
You see, if you're going as slow as possible with frequent breaks, I'm sure you could last much longer than you usually do. But your woman may also get bored, and your pleasure may be greatly reduced if you need some more friction.
Conversely, if you nail her like you were just released some prison and she's loving it and screaming for more, you're probably not going to last very long if you suffer from premature ejaculation.
Let's suffice to say, if you feel embarassed or inadequate because of how long (short) you last in bed, then it's safe to say that you suffer from premature ejaculation.
Part 3: The Tradtional Methods, and my Beef with Them
The "traditional" methods I can think of for premature ejaculation all have some horrible flaw, and their effectiveness is questionable. Let me go down the list of the ones I can think of, off the top of my head:
Masters and Johnson "Start and Stop" Technique: Two early premature ejaculation researchers recommended this technique as a possible "solution", and it involves stopping when you feel yourself losing control so you can squeeze the base of your penis.
You can tell that these guys probably did a lot more researching than actually having sex -- because not only is this technique a clumsy, awkward, unsexy mood-killer (I know at least that my girlfriend hates when I stop just when it's getting good) from my own experience with my premature ejaculation, stopping squeezing does not subside the urge for long. As soon as we're at it again, I rapidly build up towards ejaculation, because I'm still a premature ejaculator!
With all due respect, what exactly do Masters and Johnson expect us to do? Stop and squeeze every minute or so?
Desensitizing Creams: Okay, to be honest, I never tried the various creams on the market because of what I heard about them. I've heard that they are sticky, only slightly effective, and worst of all, numb your penis and make sex unenjoyable for you.
Although premature ejaculation was somewhat of a desperate problem for me, I wasn't quite ready to make that kind of sacrifice. Can you picture this situation? "Hold on baby, I know you said you want me now, but let me rub this desensitizing cream on my penis so I won't come so fast..."
Probably not going to be the sexiest thing she's ever heard. And then I'm so numb that I can barely feel anything? Doesn't sound like my ideal solution. Let me know if you've used this stuff and I have the wrong idea.
Concentrating on Something Else: When I polled my mailing list asking what my readers what's worked for them personally to last longer in bed, this was one of the most common answers I got.
Unfortunately, this one never really worked for me. In fact, in some cases, it seemed like focusing too hard on something else actually made me climax more quickly. I have no idea why...
And besides, do you really want to be somewhere else when you're doing it? If you ask me, I'd rather be in the moment, enjoying it, not picturing myself in Scotland herding sheep or something.
Don't even let me get started on the old "count to 627 in your head" trick!
Kegel Exercises: First of all, let me just give a brief summary for those who are not already familiar with kegel exercises.
Basically, there's a muscle just behind your testicles that is apparently largely responsible for your ejaculation. Many experts, especially on the internet, purport that if you master control of this muscle, you can delay your ejaculation as long as you'd like.
I've actually had some success with these, and have used kegel squeezing techniques to achieve the coveted male multiple orgasm (feels amazing, by the way).
When you are capable of having multiple orgasms, you tend to be able to hold in your ejaculation and keep going. So "kegel exercises" definitely seem to be part of the picture.
But I can't say that kegel exercises are the whole story, either.
Why? Because a lot of people tell me that kegel exercises alone did not stop their problems with premature ejaculation.
Because of the extra pleasure that can stem from mastering this technique, I definitely recommend kegel exercises. But since they don't work for everyone, and they do take a lot of commitment, I can't really label them as the "solution" to premature ejaculation.
So What Do I Recommend?
What I wrote above about Kegel exercises is actually why I like this product a lot: Ejaculation Trainer
I forget off hand who wrote it, I think Matt something or other, but it's good. Not only does it cover exercises and the muscles responsible for your ejaculation, but it takes it a step further than the materials I originally started with do.
His manual actually seems to take sort of a "scattergun" approach to premature ejaculation. He covers pretty much everything that might help.
You see, the main problem with figuring out how to last longer in bed is that too frequently, the answer differs from individual to individual.
So what he does in this guide, is pretty much just give you information on everything having to do with premature ejaculation.
I think the idea is that if you just follow a complete program, there's a very good chance that you'll solve your problem. And if not, he has a money back guarantee.
Click Here to Check Out The Ejaculation Trainer
This guide is an ongoing works, so I'll post more thoughts/experiences as I have them...
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